Last week, I went to the wedding of my first-ever-college-friend in NYC. We've stayed in touch despite moving in and out of different cities. In recent years, our friendship has come down to a few text messages every year, and some quick heart-to-hearts over coffee when one of us is passing through each other's cities. I would have understood if I didn't make the guest list, so I was so honored to be included in this really big moment in his life.
That said, I was also a little nervous. We don't have too many friends in common anymore, and I wondered who I'd run into and how the conversations would flow. What would we talk about, and how do you catch up with people you used to know โand haven't seen in so long?
Luckily, one of my closest friends from college was also going to be there, and I was so excited to get some 1:1 time with him on the train over. We met at Penn Station, made our way onto our seats, and I was ready to get into all the nostalgia and all the juicy details of life with him.
We then proceeded to have one of the most generic friend catch-ups to have ever been recorded in the history of friendships. We talked about his family, his kids, how old they are, work โ all the important things. But it was all so...high-level. He then proceeded to ask me about all these things too...work, family, who else I'm catching up with on my trip to New York. I found myself mirroring his highlights and giving an "everything is good and fine" type of snapshot of my life.
But my head was swirling with all the really tough transitions I've made since we last caught up in real life: losing my business, going back into corporate, getting laid off, starting another business, making friends and starting all over again in a new city. These are all things that in a past life, me and this friend would have scrutinized over and talked through together.
"successful" me, taking a day off after an intense 12 day work sprint (which is *not* pictured!)
Sure, I landed on my feet, but it's kind of strange to just talk about where I've landed instead of the process it took to get here, isn't it?
I left our conversation feeling happy that he's happy... and also wondering if I knew anything real about his life. I certainly didn't feel like he learned anything about mine.
And this got me thinking...does "success" really make a good story? Why do we hide all the ups and downs of real life, and pretend like everything is fine, or even good? What's the balance between emotional dumping and being real, raw, and dare I say, interesting, even if it's been a long time since you last talked?
๐ผ๏ธ Enter: My Museum Of Failures
I couldnโt shake this conversation as I worked on my slides for Joyful Building, the small business accelerator Iโm running this quarter. This weekโs topic was Identity & Relationship to Failure, and it made me think about how we talk (or donโt talk) about our failures.
The obvious truth is that we all fail. But instead of hiding behind the successes that might come after, what if we designed a museum of failures that we could be excited about? My own "failures" that often come to mind are:
Disappointing my South Asian immigrant parents by not becoming a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.
Spending my life savings on a company at 26, only to go out of business by the age of 30.
Getting laid off from a cushy but *very* early-stage tech job just six months in.
Now, I didnโt exactly design these failures, but I did choose to take risks, knowing that success wasnโt guaranteed. So, what if I reframed them? What could these failures look like in a museum?
I paved my own career over a decade to become a small business & leadership consultant, empowering strategically undervalued leaders to step into more value-aligned career decisions.
I bootstrapped a company, mastering product development, global supply chain, and marketing on a tight budget โ skills that helped me launch two more successful businesses within 5 years.
I worked for a tech startup, learned a ton, and came to realize that not everything in tech is as glamorous as it seems.
Through this reframing, itโs clear that every failure helped me not only grow, but they also laid the foundation for NIYAH Leadership, a business that allows me work-life balance, financial freedom, and the constant choice to do value-aligned work.
As I worked through this exercise with my cohort this week, it made me think: What's next in my museum of failures? What's in yours? Reply here if you'd like to chat through it and start reframing your story.
me, proudly holding my first-ever check that I earned through NIYAH Leadership in December 2023
โจ Interested In Joyful Building?
One of my favorite parts of running the Joyful Building cohort this quarter is meeting and getting to know the incredible leaders who are in it. One reflection that really stuck with me was from Mariam Shahab, a current participant. Her words captured something we often overlook in business and leadership:
I recently joined my first group coaching program for BIPOC founders with Arshiya Kherani; the focus: Joyfully Building. In our first session together she introduced a concept that opened up a new way of thinking for me: โ โโจ Joy is a metric of success โจโ โ Yes, itโs a simple framing but itโs the word ๐ metric ๐ that got me on board. Joy is serious enough to put it on the scoreboard and isnโt just something fluffy thatโs a nice to have. Itโs something to strive for, plan for, create intentional space for. โ โ โIโm a data-driven person who likes to achieve & accomplish things in work and in life. To give myself permission to measure success through the lens of joy โ personally & professionally โ is refreshing and frankly a little uncomfortable.
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- Mariam Shahab
Founder of Chatterbox Consulting, & Joyful Building Participant
Iโve always wanted to focus more on joy in the process of building a new business, and Iโm so glad that this thought resonated so deeply with Mariam, and brought her into my life and cohort.
Iโm excited to announce that the waitlist for the second cohort of Joyful Building (launching in February 2025) is now open. Spots are limited, and the first 3 people to apply get Early Bird Pricing. Donโt wait โ grab a time on my calendar to learn more about Joyful Building and see if it's the right fit for you ๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝ
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