๐งฟ My Secret To Taking The Ick Out Of Networking
Instead of leading with the usual "so what do you do," at a networking event, I ask: what brought you here today? People tell me something real, and what I've found is that it kicks off a real conversation about what led us to this particular room. It takes the ick out of networking.
A few weeks ago I overheard a stranger ask a variation of my question. They asked, what do you want to get out of today?, and then introduced themselves based on what they just heard.
"Oh, that's exactly why I wanted to come, to meet people like you. I've been in that exact situation before, and it's actually what led me to the work I do now."
I was in awe.
Their question had a similar energy as mine, but a totally different destination. My question helped me turn a stranger into a connection. But their question helped them turn a stranger into a potential business relationship โ and fast. And isn't that the whole point of going to a networking event?!
๐ง Inside This Issue
If you're new here, ๐๐ฝ welcome.
This is The Messy Middle, a newsletter about the leadership journey no one tells you about. I'm Arshiya Kherani, an executive and founder coach & speaker, and I write about the things most people skip in professional spaces: identity shifts, the hard work of building something honest in public, and what it actually takes to lead with intention when life is anything but clear.
This week: what a stranger at a networking event taught me about the difference between telling a good story, and telling one that actually works for you.
๐ค Where Stories Meet Selling
As a former marketer, I know that the stories that actually move people, the ones that get a yes, build a relationship, change a room, they don't just connect people, but they lead to something bigger. What I watched that stranger do made me realize there's storytelling, and then there's storyselling, a term I came across recently and piqued my interest.
I remember reading through an Instagram carousel on "storyselling" and feeling very confused, wondering how it's different from the storytelling I teach my clients everyday. But in this moment, it finally clicked: storyselling is where storytelling
meets marketing.
The thing is, storytelling and storyselling work hand in hand. And I'm coming to realize that the most successful people know how to use both.
My question โ what brought you here today? โ creates the connection, a sense of trust, a shared experience. His question โ what do you want to get out of today? โ creates the opportunity. One without the other is only half the equation.
Whether you're building a business, climbing the corporate ladder, or just trying to get a yes in a meeting, you're already telling stories. The question is: are the stories you're telling working for you?
๐งต The Distinction Nobody Makes
There's a reason stories are remembered up to 22 times more than facts alone. But, what if your goal isn't just to jog a memory, but to inspire action? That's where storyselling comes in.
A story that lands will always make you feel something. But when you're utilizing storytelling in the professional world: what is your story pointing toward?
Storytelling points toward connection. I want you to know me. I want you to feel less alone. I want you to see yourself in this. There's no ask at the end, just a door opening between you and the other person. Here's an example:
"I gave a presentation to the partners last year and completely blanked halfway through. I could have recited the material in my sleep! But the room was intimidating and I froze. I still think about it."
No resolution. No offer. Just someone sharing a vulnerable moment. Maybe the perfect way to make a new peer giving a presentation feel welcome. But is that a story I'd tell a new manager? No way. Not like that, at least.
That's where storyselling comes in.
Storyselling points toward a transformation, a learning, or a decision. Same emotional quality and vulnerability. But the story has a destination, and it's taking the audience there with you.
"I gave a presentation to the partners last year and completely blanked halfway through. That moment is what pushed me to finally work on how I show up in high-stakes rooms. Now when I walk into a boardroom, I'm not just prepared, but I'm generating buy-in. And people have started to notice."
Same story. Very different ending. It shows that I can take feedback, that I've overcome something hard, and that I've excelled at it.
Now that's something a new manager might appreciate.
โจ So What Does This Mean For You?
Look at your last ten conversations where you were trying to move someone toward something. A pitch, a meeting, a relationship you were trying to build. How many of them had a real destination? And how many just...ended?
If the ratio feels off, ask yourself...did you storytell? Did you storysell? Or neither...?
๐ Let's Get Into It
If this resonated, the easiest next step is a 90-minute NIYAH Power Session with me. We pick the one communication challenge that's been costing you the most, a pitch that isn't landing, a room you can't quite command, a story you don't know how to tell yet, and we work through it together. You leave with clarity, a reframe, and something you can use immediately.
And if you're looking for something more sustained, I have a few coaching spots open this quarter. Just reply to this email and we can talk through what that looks like.
๐ฅจ Snacks:
๐ Worth Your Attention: The Strait of Hormuz is having a moment. If you've been seeing headlines and not quite understanding what's at stake, this one's for you. Reply to this email if you agree that bad leadership is the most expensive problem in the world.
๐๏ธ She's Here: Chai Chats is officially live, a weekly series where I get into the real stuff online and in real time. Episode one is up. Side effects of watching may include: a career glow up.
๐ฅ Watch This: Toni Howard Lowe's TEDx on how systems of oppression show up as the quiet normalized stuff โ not the dramatic moments, the everyday ones. Worth 15 minutes of your time, I promise.
See you in next week's mess!
Arshiya
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