🕳️ Are You Networking To Nowhere?

🕳️ Networking To Nowhere

As someone who lives in LA, I often find myself going to a lot of events just because they are "a vibe." Sometimes they end up being genuinely valuable...but other times, the session ends and I walk away having done a lot of networking to nowhere. Not enough people offering real value, just a lot of people there to get something, social climb, or be a part of a scene. Some people are just there to be in community, which sometimes I am too.

My job is to develop my business, which means I have to go to things! To keep learning, see what the market looks like, make connections, stay on top of trends. But I'm also a solo operator, which means my time is my most valuable asset.

So when I came across a LinkedIn post by Miguel Antile this week, the CEO of PanVanguard, he touched on something I've been thinking about a lot lately: Is your current network pulling you up or slowing you down?

It feels like community building and joining is all the rage right now. Even big retail brands like Alo are building community hubs where their customers can do more than just shop, but actually be in community with other like-minded folks. Antile asks the harder question: are the professional communities you're in actually producing results, or just producing the feeling of results?

🧠 Inside This Issue

If you're new here, 👋🏽 welcome!

This is The Messy Middle, a newsletter about the leadership journey no one tells you about. I'm Arshiya Kherani, an executive and founder coach & speaker, and I write about the things most people skip in professional spaces: identity shifts, the hard work of building something honest in public, and what it actually takes to lead with intention when life is anything but clear.

This week: which professional rooms actually move you forward?

🧩 Deconstructing A Room That Works

A Stanford GSB study found that nearly 66% of CEOs don't receive outside leadership advice. To me, this is absolutely mind-boggling. Most leaders are making their biggest decisions alone, even when they're surrounded by people, and more importantly, they are responsible for the livelihood of so many people.

In contrast, CEOs who were part of structured peer advisory groups grew revenue by an average of 4.6%, while comparable businesses without that support saw revenue drop by 4.7%. (Dun & Bradstreet data, via Vistage)

This is exactly what Antile is pointing out: when leaders meet regularly with well-matched peers, put real numbers on the table, and question hard decisions together, they report clearer thinking, faster resolution of complex problems, and tangible performance improvements.

These peer groups become one of the key places where strategy gets shaped and de-risked. Many room aren't doing that because it feels like being in community is enough...but is it?

✍🏽 The Audit

The three-question audit Antile lays out offers a simple framework to evaluate if you are joining the right professional communities that move you forward. (It's genius and I wish I thought of it first!)

1️⃣ Who is actually in the room? Are real decisions and real numbers being shared, or is it mostly "humble brags" and recycled frameworks?

2️⃣ Does being in this space change your action plan, or how you make decisions? After most interactions, do you walk away with next steps you actually implement, or mainly feeling inspired?

3️⃣ What has this room tangibly produced for your leadership journey? In the last 6-12 months, can you point to a concrete outcome that wouldn’t have happened without this community?

💡 Why most peer to peer rooms fall flat: Proximity to ambition isn't the same as having a room where your decisions are being tested and you're having the AHA moments that lead to real changes in decisions.

📚 A Room Designed To Pass This Audit

Bringing Kismet Coffee Hour to life has been on my mind for awhile; I kept meeting senior leaders who are smart, accomplished, and well-networked on paper, who couldn't identify what they're actually getting from peer to peer leadership spaces.

I kept thinking back to an IDEO course I took years ago: spaces need to be designed intentionally to produce a specific outcome. Most mentorship spaces are designed to produce a FEELING. I wanted to design for an OUTCOME.

So I tagged my friend and colleague Sophia Mikelionis and we are building it together.

Kismet Coffee Hour is a free monthly peer conversation for senior leaders, director-level and above. This isn't a talk, a workshop, or a framework heavy space. It is just a space where well-matched leaders can put real problems on the table and work through them together.

This month's theme is The Promotion Gap, designed for leaders with 8+ years of experience, especially those who are recently promoted or managing people who are.

☕ The first-ever Kismet Coffee Hour is this Thursday, April 30 at 9am PT. Bring your favorite coffee, tea, or matcha to sip on during our chat! You never know who you might meet.

✍️ Save My Spot

🥨 Snacks

☕ Kismet Inspo: That time I got my tire slashed in Hollywood, and still got a workshop gig out of it...

🪜 New Managers: Did you know 60% of new managers fail within 24 months of being promoted?

🎲 Ship It: Loved this episode of Starter Story with Marc Lou. He makes $77k/month as a solopreneur, doesn't check his phone or email for the first 4-6 hours of his day, and ships new apps constantly because he knows not everything will hit. He spends his best energy always in creator mode...what do you think about this strategy? Would you try it?

❤️ Cuteness Overload: Catch this adorable brother/sister duo singing about their love for tea in Gaza.

If it's kismet...see you tomorrow!

Arshiya

👀 Looking For 1:1 Support? Let's Chat